Diane McGeachy
Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist
Hobart, Tasmania
Making the decision to end a committed relationship is often extremely difficult. One partner may have been considering this option for quite some time before broaching it with their significant other.
A relationship ending is rarely ever an easy experience for either partner. Whether you are the person who has made the decision or the partner who has learned about the decision. Occasionally a relationship ending is mutual, though most often one person is the driver of the ultimate decision.
The concept of conscious uncoupling involves a mutual intention to end a relationship in a way that causes the least amount of harm to one another. When you have invested a significant amount of your life with another person, being able to demonstrate regard for the shared time you had together can be an extraordinarily beneficial way to help process, heal and eventually move forward.
How to end a relationship as well as possible?
It is important to remember that when you have made the decision to end your relationship, you have the benefit of foresight and time. Your partner is not on equal ground, not knowing that you have been considering this for some time. Demonstrating empathy and consideration towards your partner can go a long way. Understand that they will likely have strong feelings and may behave irrationally at the start of the separation process.
Be honest and clear about your wants and intentions. It is kinder to be honest as opposed to ambivalent or providing false hope because it feels too hard to see your partner hurting or you wish to avoid conflict. Once the ending has been accepted as reality for both parties have a conversation where you share what the other person has meant to you, how you have changed or grown because of them and what you will remember and cherish from your time together.
What gets in the way of ending a relationship well?
For many people ending a relationship in an honest and direct way feels incredibly hard. Some ways people try to avoid the hard conversation of telling their partner that they no longer want to be in a relationship with them include; becoming distant, building a life focused on spending time away from their partner, having an affair or multiple affairs (physical/emotional) or turning to pornography. Sometimes the partner who wants to exit the relationship waits for the other to make the decision for them by behaving badly. This can be extremely harmful to the partner who is not aware of the unspoken agenda.
Individual relationship counselling can be of benefit if you do not have the option or your partner is unwilling to attend separation counselling. Separation counselling can be helpful to reduce harm occurring to one or both parties and assist in healing and moving forward.
About our Centre
Hobart Counselling Centre’s Relationship & Couples Counselling Service provides comprehensive counselling and support services to individuals, couples and families.
Our Counselling Team can assist with a range of issues that may be impacting your relationship:
Relationship Issues:
Communication difficulties
Sexual Intimacy
Trust issues
Career changes
Infidelity/Commitment issues
Same Sex Couples Counselling
Financial pressures
Parenting Challenges
Work/Life Balance
Pornography Addiction
The Fly-in Fly-out Lifestyle
Substance Misuse/Addiction
Anxiety/Depression
Anger Management
Transgender/Gender Diversity
Contacting Our Centre
If you are concerned about your relationship and would like further information about our services or wish to make an appointment with a Psychologist or Counsellor please email enquiries@hobartcounselling.com.au, complete the contact form, or telephone (03) 6285 8592.
Due to the high volume of enquiries to the Centre, an email or contact form enquiry will ensure you receive the timeliest response.